I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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