I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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