Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
