"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize