smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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