from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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