I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
did i just pee glitter
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
