either way he was missing a nipple.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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