im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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