Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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