I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
