Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well I just put wine in my tea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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