i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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