Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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