I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
