My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
