On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
