I think im going to throw up on grandma
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
