im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize