She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
