You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
