i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
