We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
