I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
