So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
