I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
