help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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