I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
