And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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