my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
