oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this just has baby written all over it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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