He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
