who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
