Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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