You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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