i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
