"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
