I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
