You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
