he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
