I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
