Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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