can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
