R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
