The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
