ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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