i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
