She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
