i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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