he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
