He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
