It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
