The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
