Do vagina's smell?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
