During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
