I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
