I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
