We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
