You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
