Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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