Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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