addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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