Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
