I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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