All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
