WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
