I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
