so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
