I bet he comes in French.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
