obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
