you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
