She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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