he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
