vagina is talking i cant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
