I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
